A place for all the other “uncategorised” stuff – with a bit of nonsense thrown in for good measure

50 Shades of Grey – The Trailer

NOW – the full unabridged trailer of this steamy epic. WATCH as Ifor Williams hooks up with her. GASP as she bumps and grinds and follows him everywhere. SEE what it is that makes the wheels go around as they drive off, 4×4, into the sunset.
trailerSorry, I just couldn’t resist!

But since you are here, this poem about the book is well worth another read.  Originally credited to Pam Ayres, it was actually written by John Summers.


‘An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey’

The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
…T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
…At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said…
I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.

by John Summers

Also very funny of the book 50 Sheds of Grey, that at one time was actually selling faster than the original!

“Hurt me!’ she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over the workbench. ‘Very well,’ I replied, ‘You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.’ Colin Grey’s life was happy and simple until the day everything changed – the day his wife read THAT book. Suddenly, he was thrust head-first into a dark, illicit world of pleasure and pain. This is the story of one man’s struggle against a tide of tempestuous, erotic desire and of the greatest love of all: the love between a man and his shed. WARNING: This book contains graphic shed-based images. Please don’t look if you are easily offended.”

You can buy it on Amazon

trailer-titles

By |August 17th, 2014|0 Comments

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At the end of the day

bike-shadow

By |August 7th, 2014|0 Comments

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Amanda Palmer’s Glastonbury Boob

amanda-palmer-glastonburyDaily Mail – Up Yours!

When the Daily Mail totally ignored rock star Amanda Palmer’s performance during her 2013 Glastonbury appearance and instead wrote an unflattering article about her wardrobe malfunction, she decided to get her revenge in a song.

They had made a point of publishing a  “nipple slip” photo, so she decided to dedicate a song to them at a gig in the Roundhouse in London in the most spectacular way.

It’s called Dear Daily Mail – Up Yours.

At two minutes fifty seconds into the video she makes her point in a fitting manner!  I should warn you it becomes rather “Unsafe For Work” at that point and you might want to keep the sound down when the prudes are about too!

Here are the lyrics…

dear daily mail,
it has come to my recent attention
that me recent appearance at glastonbury festivals kindly received a mention
i was doing a number of things on that stage up to and including singing songs (like you do…)
but you chose to ignore that and instead you published a feature review of my boob

dear daily mail,
there’s a thing called a search engine: use it!
if you’d googled my tits in advance you’d have found that your photos are hardly exclusive
in addition you state that my breast had escaped from my bra like a thief on the run
you do you know that it wasn’t attempting to just take in the RARE british sun?

dear daily mail,
it’s so sad what you tabloids are doing
your focus on debasing women’s appearances ruins our species of humans
but a rag is a rag and far be it from me to go censoring anyone OH NO
it appears that my entire body is currently trying to escape this kimono….

dear daily mail,
you misogynist pile of twats
i’m tired of these baby bumps, vadge flashes, muffintops
where are the newsworthy COCKS?
if iggy or jagger or bowie go topless the news barely causes a ripple
blah blah blah feminist blah blah blah gender shit blah blah blah
OH MY GOD NIPPLE

dear daily mail,
you will never write about this night
i know that because i’ve addressed you directly i’ve made myself no fun to fight
but thanks to the internet people all over the world can enjoy this discourse
and commune with a roomful of people in london who aren’t drinking kool-aid like yours

and though there be millions of people who’ll accept the cultural bar where you have it at
there are plenty of others who’re perfectly willing to see breasts in their natural habitat

i keenly anticipate your highly literate coverage of upcoming tours

dear daily mail,
UP YOURS.

 

By |June 10th, 2014|0 Comments

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Rik Mayall, comedy legend. R.I.P.

rikmayallI have been privileged to have lived through a period that saw the rise and fall of television.  That device which injected into our homes and our mentality something that, with the best will in the world, attempted to pass itself off as “entertainment”.

The ancient Romans were probably the first to embrace the concept of entertainment by gathering the masses into huge amphitheatres to witness the slaying of lions by gladiators.

Prior to that the emphasis was on personal survival, rather than that of the man versus beast spectacle that was biased in favour of the wild beasts when a neerdowell criminal was “thrown to the lions” and conversely in favour of the highly trained chainmail-clad “superstars” of the day armed to the teeth to ensure a victorious outcome.

It was perverse. It was cruel. But the crowds obviously loved it.  Thus “entertainment” was born.

As time went on man took to play acting and the Gladiators and wild beasts were replaced in the amphitheatres by actors telling stories through action and words.  there were tales of woe and high drama and there were the early comedies.  Shakespeare, of course being a major influence in this direction.

The open-air amphitheatres were replaced by specially constructed theatres, and so acting developed and became ever more sophisticated as a means of entertainment.  Over many centuries it evolved and became more and more diverse with everything from the highbrow to the bawdy.  Entertainment for all.

Then along came television.

It started out very crude and basic.  It attempted to emulate the theatre but at first the highbrow end of things it failed miserably.  Those grainy black and white flickering images and the poor sound quality just couldn’t compete with live theatre.

But hey.  Muffin the Mule was pretty good, and so were the Flowerpot Men.  These were my first memories of television. and through the fifties and sixties I saw it grow.

Television entertained and educated, so much so they added a third channel to give us more choice.

Fast forward to today.  And what have we got?  Literally hundreds of channels giving us a huge choice of the flavour of complete and utter drivel.  We are being force fed on garbage.

youngones_1_396x222The only decent channels now are those that play the repeats of the golden years of television. The seventies, eighties and nineties.

I could list dozens and dozens of shows such as Fawlty Towers, Rising Damp, etc., that ‘really’ entertained. It would fill a page. Several in fact.

But if I had to list one show that defined the era, a show that I howled laughing to time and time again, a show that represented the anarchy of the time, that in its own way became a political statement of the hard times we were going through, it would of course be The Young Ones.

My two favourite characters were the show’s creators, the geniuses that were Ade Edmondson and Rik Mayall.

Both went on to do so much more of course.  Together they created Bottom and then both carved out their own careers giving us some absolutely fabulous and memorable moments in television history as well as in the theatre and film.

Today, at far too young an age, we have lost one of those geniuses.

Rik Mayall died suddenly this morning at his home aged just 56.

There have been many tributes, and no doubt many more to come, but the one Rik himself would have approved of most of all came from his long time buddy Ade Edmondson: 
“There were times when Rik and I were writing together when we almost died laughing.
“They were some of the most carefree stupid days I ever had, and I feel privileged to have shared them with him. And now he’s died for real. Without me. Selfish bastard.”

 

By |June 10th, 2014|0 Comments

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Jenson Button Car Wash Ad

Once in a while.  Just… once in a while, do you get a really great advert worth watching.

This one, starring Jenson Button in a super dooper car wash stunt, is better than most of the programs on the tele today!

In this Jenson Button Car Wash Ad video, it shows his “pit-side” team take over an ordinary car wash at a London garage – much to the surprise of unsuspecting customers who are just ordinary members of the public.

Jenson Button Car Wash AdJenson Button Car Wash Ad

By |June 6th, 2014|0 Comments

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