First, get a guitar. It doesn’t really matter what kind.

Then learn how to hold it.  It doesn’t really matter which way around, so long as you have one hand around the neck with the fingers on some of those little metal strips that go across it.  Then the other hand… well you need to practise moving that up and down more or less in time with the music.  It is important that you don’t plug any wires into the guitar as it might start making a funny noise.

Next you have to make sure no one actually looks at your hands, so get yourself a full makeover including the all important scouse brows.  Make them nice and high. Go for the “surprised” look.

Okay, this might still not be enough to ensure your guitar playing is authentic to the eye of the onlooker, so just for good measure take your vest off and replace it with  bit of sheer chiffon. Oh, and ditch the bra of course. That would spoil the effect.

In fact… damn it all… the last thing you want to do is allow their eye to wander to your hands. Whip off your knickers too.

All you have to do then is practise your expression and you’re on your way to pop stardom…!

Play the video to see the amazing results in action!

nakedrockstarWarning… If you’re a bloke, the above instructions don’t work.  You’ll just have to learn how to play the damn thing…