Nonsense

…what it says on the tin!

Tabloid deception

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waterstory5Sure, drinking water is good for you. But this is just tabloid crap.

The “before” picture has been taken with a single light placed above the lady’s head. Note the shadow under the nose and the lack of catchlights in the eyes.

This type of lighting will emphasise bags under the eyes and skin blemishes.

The “after” picture has been taken using two frontal diffused lights. You can clearly see the catchlights (reflections of the light source) in the eyes. One, a round light, probably using an umbrella reflector was to the left of the camera slightly above head height and the other, a large rectangular ‘soft box’ was placed at eye level very close the the camera axis.

waterstory2These produce practically shadowless lighting which will minimise or even eliminate the shadows cast by eye bags etc and give a smoother texture to the skin.

I’m not saying they were, but it would have easily been possible to have taken both these photographs on the same day.

The lady in question has said she undertook the month-long experiment after speaking to a neurologist and nutritionist because she was suffering headaches and poor digestion. So why would she take herself off to a photographic studio to have a “before” picture taken?

waterstory3And then, we are expected to believe, she went back a month later wearing the same blouse and the same earrings and her hair in the same style and with the intervening month’s growth cut off to have the “miraculous” transformation recorded for posterity?

Do the Daily Mirror think we are all thick or something?

Worse still they have done a sloppy job of the deception. Both pictures have exactly the same perspective and image size. ie: Same camera to subject distance and same focal length lens.

It looks every bit as if the camera was set on a tripod, the first picture taken and the photographer changed the lighting whilst the lady combed her hair and had some concealer and foundation applied before sitting back in the same position.

My guess is, the “after” picture have also been retouched because the lady’s water intake has even caused some extra eyelashes to grow!

Basically, it’s a load of old tosh designed to make gullible people buy their tabloid rag.

It reinforces my belief that the only thing you can believe in the tabloids is the date – and they even get that wrong sometimes!waterstory4

See the original story here: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/woman-who-started-drinking-three-4791113

How to organise wedding groups

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Post by Hamza Bibi.

50 Shades of Grey – The Trailer

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NOW – the full unabridged trailer of this steamy epic. WATCH as Ifor Williams hooks up with her. GASP as she bumps and grinds and follows him everywhere. SEE what it is that makes the wheels go around as they drive off, 4×4, into the sunset.
trailerSorry, I just couldn’t resist!

But since you are here, this poem about the book is well worth another read.  Originally credited to Pam Ayres, it was actually written by John Summers.


[one_half last=”no”]
‘An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey’

The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
…T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
…At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said…
I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.

by John Summers

[/one_half]

[one_half last=”yes”]

Also very funny of the book 50 Sheds of Grey, that at one time was actually selling faster than the original!

“Hurt me!’ she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over the workbench. ‘Very well,’ I replied, ‘You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.’ Colin Grey’s life was happy and simple until the day everything changed – the day his wife read THAT book. Suddenly, he was thrust head-first into a dark, illicit world of pleasure and pain. This is the story of one man’s struggle against a tide of tempestuous, erotic desire and of the greatest love of all: the love between a man and his shed. WARNING: This book contains graphic shed-based images. Please don’t look if you are easily offended.”

You can buy it on Amazon

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trailer-titles

Amanda Palmer’s Glastonbury Boob

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amanda-palmer-glastonburyDaily Mail – Up Yours!

When the Daily Mail totally ignored rock star Amanda Palmer’s performance during her 2013 Glastonbury appearance and instead wrote an unflattering article about her wardrobe malfunction, she decided to get her revenge in a song.

They had made a point of publishing a  “nipple slip” photo, so she decided to dedicate a song to them at a gig in the Roundhouse in London in the most spectacular way.

It’s called Dear Daily Mail – Up Yours.

At two minutes fifty seconds into the video she makes her point in a fitting manner!  I should warn you it becomes rather “Unsafe For Work” at that point and you might want to keep the sound down when the prudes are about too!

Here are the lyrics…

dear daily mail,
it has come to my recent attention
that me recent appearance at glastonbury festivals kindly received a mention
i was doing a number of things on that stage up to and including singing songs (like you do…)
but you chose to ignore that and instead you published a feature review of my boob

dear daily mail,
there’s a thing called a search engine: use it!
if you’d googled my tits in advance you’d have found that your photos are hardly exclusive
in addition you state that my breast had escaped from my bra like a thief on the run
you do you know that it wasn’t attempting to just take in the RARE british sun?

dear daily mail,
it’s so sad what you tabloids are doing
your focus on debasing women’s appearances ruins our species of humans
but a rag is a rag and far be it from me to go censoring anyone OH NO
it appears that my entire body is currently trying to escape this kimono….

dear daily mail,
you misogynist pile of twats
i’m tired of these baby bumps, vadge flashes, muffintops
where are the newsworthy COCKS?
if iggy or jagger or bowie go topless the news barely causes a ripple
blah blah blah feminist blah blah blah gender shit blah blah blah
OH MY GOD NIPPLE

dear daily mail,
you will never write about this night
i know that because i’ve addressed you directly i’ve made myself no fun to fight
but thanks to the internet people all over the world can enjoy this discourse
and commune with a roomful of people in london who aren’t drinking kool-aid like yours

and though there be millions of people who’ll accept the cultural bar where you have it at
there are plenty of others who’re perfectly willing to see breasts in their natural habitat

i keenly anticipate your highly literate coverage of upcoming tours

dear daily mail,
UP YOURS.

 

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