Studio Facelift – Day 2

The woodwork got painted today.

Thank goodness for quick-drying undercoat!  Without it we’d never have been able to rub down, undercoat, rub down, undercoat again, then gloss all in one day!

The purists would say you shouldn’t try to do all in one day anyway.  But then, the purists say a lot of things – much of which is Pure Bollocks.

Can I say that in here?  Oh yes, I forgot.  It’s my blog, I can say what I want!  Anyway, if you’re offended, do please let me know via the “comments”.   …Unless you happen to be a purist, that is!!

Speaking of purists – why do they always seem to be “just passing” whilst you’re painting the front door frame?!!

Unsound Advice

PURIST:  “The secret is in buying good brushes”

ME:  WHAT …?!   Did I ASK your opinion?!   NO!  So please – Bog Off!

What actually happened, of course, was that I smiled pleasantly at this “purist”.   That was a mistake…  It left the door open (the metaphorical  one – not the one whose frame I was just painting)  in fact, wide open for a lecture on the excellent properties of squirrel hair!

Bollocks!  – There, I’ve said it again.   At least, it’s the word that went through my mind as I compounded my first mistake by attempting to argue the point (ever so politely) with this… this… “p-ure-ist”.   Why politely?  …Because he might, heaven forbid,  be my next customer – and customers mean bread and butter.  (Mind you, if he happens to discover this blog there is probably very little chance of that ever happening!).

Mr Purist’s arguement was: that whilst a cheap brush might seem alright first time you use it, the next time – how ever carefully you clean it – the bristles will not lay straight and will start falling out.

It was at this point that he lost me…
The “next time? “.
“Clean  it??”
What ever does he mean?

There are many things for which life is far too short – and cleaning paint brushes ranks high amongst them, right up there with train spotting, photographing weddings, and watching Kim and Aggie on the telly!

When a pack of ten assorted brushes costs ten quid at B&Q why on earth would you want to waste your time cleaning them.  Stick them in the bin.  The Turps would cost you more than a quid per brush.  Get a Life!

And think of it this way:  If you were paying a professional decorator to do the job, he’d be charging you thirty or forty quid an hour to clean his brushes!!

It’s a Cover-up

Anyway.  Rant over.  Now for the embarrassing bit:

In an attempt to get more paint on the ceiling than on myself, I bought a pair of “paper” overalls.  They are really great.  Light weight.  All-in-one.  Zip-up.  And with a hood to prevent premature ageing.

Jayne wore hers with pride – whilst worrying of course, whether her bum looked big in it.  My bum, on the other hand, spoke for itself – volumes in fact!!

As the day wore on and the temperature rose, those overalls did get a little warm.  So off came the shirt.  Then the pants.   It was only when my lovely wife fell about the floor laughing, did I realise the bloody paper overalls were see-through!  I’m just grateful my conversation with “passer-by purist prat”  on the very pubic pavement, took place pre-striptease!

Anyhow.  Every cloud has a silver lining.  Picture these overalls with the ugly painter replaced by a beautiful blond (or brunette).   Another one for the “ideas file” for the next glamour shoot.

Watch this space  😉

The Whole Story